u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
