have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
