Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
