In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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