She is in my trunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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