I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
