You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
