Where is the hickey?
Buhtt sex?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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