woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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