in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Couch. On fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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