i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This baby is an asshole
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
