the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
