k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
