if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
