he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life is so much better after having sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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