can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
