She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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