So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
