My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
