Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
