May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
