It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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