it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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