i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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