I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
