Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
too bad you live with your parents still
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
