You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
