I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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