I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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