she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
