when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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