6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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