Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We just shotgunned beers for America
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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