Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
