Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
