Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
