my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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