I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
