i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Shame is for Republicans.
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