I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
