I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
