her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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