I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
