Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
