when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
