I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
