So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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