then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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