Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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