This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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