ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
