this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
