I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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