Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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