You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if only i could text you this smell
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
