Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
