i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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