im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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