I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
