i think my tv is drunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
