Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
