Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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